The Weeds of Doubt
After scattering vegetable seeds in my raised garden, I spent many weeks tending to it. I watered, I weeded, and I watched as the seeds sprouted and grew. But, the more my vegetable plants grew, the more my life became busy with various other demands (the kids, the rest of my yard, my chickens, etc...). Over the past month, I've somewhat helplessly watched as crabgrass, clover, violets, and wild strawberries crept into my raised vegetable garden beds.
At first, I was able to keep on top of the weed growth. But, because of my busy-ness, my garden started to look neglected with weeds. As I tried to vainly harvest my leaf lettuce and kale this morning, I realized that I was picking more grass and weed-leaves than veggies. The weeds were choking my veggies! So after harvesting what I could (which was still a very good amount), I got down on my knees - bathrobe and all, and proceeded to spend the next hour pulling up each and every weed, starting with my kale box.
By the time I was done, the sun had fully risen and was steamy humid hot. I was sweaty and dirty. Even though I still had at least three other vegetable raised beds that need weeding, I was content at the moment with being done with the worst of them all - the kale bed. However, in the end, my kale looked cleaner and far thinner now that it had space to grow out and no longer had to compete with weeds. I had accidentally pulled up a few kale plants, but I put them in the bare spots and watered them deeply. I'll have to wait until it cools off in the evening to keep weeding the remaining vegetable beds. But, the whole time I was weeding the kale, I got to thinking....
This is a fitting analogy for the reality of doubts. At first, I really wanted to tie this in with sin (and it is fitting), but the Holy Spirit is really leading me to instead, compare it to doubting. Doubt only has one place where it belongs, and that is only when we suspect deception in which we "doubt" the authenticity or honesty of something or someone - such as information that goes against what we know is factually or probably true.
For example, I doubt when a panhandler comes up to me asking for $2.39 so he can buy a bus ticket to go to his cousin's funeral, because his momma broke her leg, and his brother needs food for his 20 cats, so can I please give him $2.39? I know that seems a bit far-fetched but trust me, I've heard very similar lol. You're thinking, "Yeah, right. I bet you're cousin is alive and well, and your mom is actually heartbroken (rather than leg-broken) because you've reached this point in your life." And sure enough, as the panhandler walks away empty-handed from you, but gets his $2.39 from the next person, you watch as he then immediately goes up to a parked car with tinted windows and "does a deal" - of the illegal sort. I have seen this with my own eyes more than once! It is times like this, that doubt has a place. But, I am not talking about factual/honesty/integrity doubting nor am I here to discuss the ethics/moral obligation behind panhandling and charity.
The sinful doubt, the doubt that I am comparing weeds to, is what I want to focus on. No one likes doubts and no one wakes up one day to say, "I'm going to doubt God today!" Doubt steals joy and kills hope. Doubt hinders and places our mind in shackles. Doubt leads to sin, it leads to unforgiveness, it leads to fear, doubt leads to all sorts of unclean spirits when we leave that door open in our heart.
For example, the Lord tells you to go and tell this panhandler (mentioned above) to leave his life of sin and to run to Jesus, to surrender his addiction and sin to Him and allow the Lord to redeem him. But, you see him using in the parking lot after his "dealer" drives off and you start to doubt. You think, "What if he's so high he doesn't hear me or understand me? What if someone I know sees me and thinks I'm enabling him or joining him? What if he doesn't receive the Gospel and cusses me out? What if he gets violent? What if he passes out and overdoses?" What if, what if, what if... the seeds of doubt get sown and start to grow.
Doubt does not belong in our hearts when we are called to obey the Lord, nor does doubt belong in our mind when we hear or read the Word of God. Doubts do not belong any more than crabgrass belongs in a vegetable garden. However, it is inevitable that doubts will arise at times when the devil sows those seeds. He sows seeds of unforgiveness, sin, bitterness, and yes - doubt.
The question is, do we immediately pull up those weeds, those doubts, at the first sign of germination? Or do we make excuses and allow those weed-doubts to grow and thrive? I guarantee you that if you allow the doubts to take root and grow, it will get out of control. They do not go away on their own and the vegetable never outgrows the weed, our heart can never overrule our doubt without purposeful intervention and work.
These doubts, like weeds, will steal precious nourishment that we get from the Word of God. My kale wasn't able to fully grow and mature at an appropriate rate because it was being hindered by the weeds. Doubt, like weeds, will overshadow and cover you - preventing you from growing and maturing in your faith. It prevents you from effectively hearing the Holy Spirit, just like my kale wasn't able to get all of the soil's nutrients or full sunlight. And like with crabgrass (oh how I hate crabgrass), doubts will send out a web of roots, making more and more and more.
So what do we do when we find ourselves overrun by proverbial crabgrass (doubt)? We get on our hands and knees like a determined gardener and we pull them out by the roots with prayer! We get our hands dirty with the soil of the Word of God! It may take just a few minutes or it may take hours, or even days...but, get on your knees in prayer and get into the Word!
Some doubts will be gotten rid of easily, like some of the weeds I found that were pulled up with little effort and didn't damage any of my kale. Other doubts take much work, requiring intense focus and discipline. Some of the weeds I had to deal with, I would pull - only to pluck off a few leaves, forcing me to get down deep in the dirt, digging and ripping out the roots - which inevitably led to accidentally pulling up or damaging my kale. The doubts that cause us the most grief are the ones where we have to dig down into the soil of our heart in order to rip it out by the roots. It's these deadly doubts that we let take root, that can damage or expose those things that we've carefully planted and nourished - such as the "kale" of joy and hope in the Lord and His Word, His Truth.
However, when our joy, our hope, our calling, etc.... is threatened by these deep rooted doubts, we replant them, and water them deeply with the Word of God. Jesus, is our Provider of Living Water. In the end it was hard work, but now we can grow and allow the light of Christ to shine on us once more. May we all grow and mature - producing an abundant harvest in the end.
Just let this also be a warning to you: like with weeds in a vegetable garden, you cannot just one and done this! There is no once saved always saved, say the sinner's prayer/altar call/baptism - I'm good now! You cannot repent of sin and confess doubt/disbelief/unbelief/etc...just once and then call it a day. This is an ongoing process, a discipline that we must do daily. Pull up those weeds at the first sign! Toss them out of the garden, so that they can shrivel and die, no longer having root in your heart.
It is hard work, but if we are diligent and allow the Holy Spirit to help us, we can do what He's calling us to do without the hindrance of doubt. It doesn't mean that if you have doubt, you are condemned. But it will severely hinder you from being effective in the Kingdom of God. Walking in faith can be very challenging and that is what doubt targets: our faith. Walking by faith and not by sight is a must!
"Did God really say.....? Can you really trust Jesus to......" is the Devil's favorite method to sow those seeds of doubt. Pull them up! Get into the Word of God, the soil, and let it nourish you. Let the sunshine, the light of Christ, shine upon you and let Him satisfy you with Living Water. May we all weed our heart's garden bed of all doubt, sin, unforgiveness, etc....
I am by no means any better off in this topic than you are. I struggle daily with the weeds of doubt. Sometimes, I admit, I allow those doubts to go unchecked and before I know it, they've choked my heart and I have to then pull them out. This lesson was very much for me, as much as it is for you. But, I pray that each of us can allow the Lord to search our hearts, point out those doubts and sin, and pull them up - that we may mature in our faith and produce an abundant harvest! If we can't trust Jesus, if we allow those seeds of doubt to flourish, then who can we trust? Trust in the Lord.
So Jesus answered and said to them, “Assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but also if you say to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ it will be done.
1 Therefore, leaving the discussion of the elementary principles of Christ, let us go on to perfection, not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God, 2 of the doctrine of baptisms, of laying on of hands, of resurrection of the dead, and of eternal judgment. 3 And this we will do if God permits.
4 For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted the heavenly gift, and have become partakers of the Holy Spirit, 5 and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, 6 if they fall away, to renew them again to repentance, since they crucify again for themselves the Son of God, and put Him to an open shame.
7 For the earth which drinks in the rain that often comes upon it, and bears herbs useful for those by whom it is cultivated, receives blessing from God; 8 but if it bears thorns and briers, it is rejected and near to being cursed, whose end is to be burned. But, beloved, we are confident of better things concerning you, yes, things that accompany salvation, though we speak in this manner.
10 For God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love which you have shown toward His name, in that you have ministered to the saints, and do minister. 11 And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence to the full assurance of hope until the end, 12 that you do not become sluggish, but imitate those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.
- Hebrews 6:1-12
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