Near to the Heart of God

I have spent my entire life as a Christian, born to a preacher in a line of preachers. Skipping church was the most grievous of sins growing up and only occurred because of sickness or youth group events. However, despite growing up in a Christian home and spending half of my life in a church building - both as a congregational member and ministry leader, my heart lived for and in the world. 

In 2017, I truly gave myself in surrender to Jesus Christ. I had already been baptized (in 1995, at age 8), I had believed in Him my entire life and believed in the Gospel. I had never doubted God's Word. Yet, it wasn't until 2017, when I was 30 years old, that my true walk of faith began. 

The Lord showed me, He removed the scales from my eyes, that I had been living my entire adolescent, teenage, and young adult life as a practitioner of witchcraft, a participant in things wicked as well as sexual immorality, I was serving other "gods" with idols galore - both in my house and my heart, and that I was walking in the spirit of pride, vanity, selfishness, greed, and control. The entire time I had been an avid church-goer, loved Jesus, and believed His Word. 

I am not alone in my testimony. How many of you can testify the same? Yes, many were born into the world and grew up "pagan" or as an "unbeliever". What a testimony you have too! But, I'm talking to those who, just like myself, grew up as a Christian - walked the walk and talked the talk, but your hearts never truly belonged to Christ. Sin didn't grieve you unless it was so awful that even the unbelievers condemned it. 

I want to talk to you today. I want you to look at, pray about, and seriously think about your heart and where it truly is - Who it truly belongs to. Whether you are young or old, rich or poor, church minister or church member, if you consider yourself a follower of Jesus Christ - this article is for you. I am especially speaking to those of my former church (es) and family who have known me for decades, who have seen the changes in me in recent years, and who are too embarrassed (or offended) to interact with my posts, shares, and statuses that challenge your religion (Christianity or otherwise).

First of all, I don't hate you. I do not post in condemnation, only warning in love. If I hated the church, if I hated anyone who claims to be Christian....would I take the time to post and share things that I know will offend? Would I still consistently tell people to repent over and over and over again, even though I know it has cost me friends and family? Now why would I continue to keep testifying and warning those who are Christian as if they are not? It is this right here:

The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.    

- 2 Peter 3:9 

The past few years I have watched as more and more people walk away from us (my family), using the excuse that we are extreme, are legalistic/holier-than-thou, judging/condemning, are mentally ill or delusional, that we have fallen away (from their idea of Christianity), that we're this or that. I've watched as each person we tell our testimony to, of our forsaking of the things of this world that many love, looks at us uncomfortably or as if we just grew three heads. I've watched as people started hearing my warnings to repent and seek the Lord in righteousness, but then scoffed and unfollowed me, some have unfriended and even blocked me. Which, I must admit, I too have unfriended people because they were promoting heresies. But I'm not talking about heretical teaching here, but a calling for repentance.  

Don't get me wrong, I do not want a "following". I do not want to become some Christian or social media "celebrity". I cringe anytime someone even so much as compliments me! My face turns red in humility every time I see someone share one of my posts (which is not often). Just simply because I know what a wretch I once was and how I am still prone to failure daily (and I struggle with social anxiety.) Yes, I'm good at some things, but my #1 goal is to direct Christians back to the real Jesus of the Bible (and not the post-modern or heretical false Jesus), and show those who don't follow Christ that He is worth it all - the suffering, the trials, the hardships..... 

No one ever tells me, "Desiree, I enjoy reading the Scripture you post. Thank you for posting challenging truths that make Christians go to the Lord to evaluate their faith and where they stand with Him." No, no one tells me that. Instead, I get ignored and have lost so many friends and family. I make people uncomfortable, I challenge their generations'-old traditions and un-Scriptural beliefs. But you know what? That's okay. 

I am okay with that, no matter how much it hurts, I will trust the Lord. Some days it's not okay and I don't feel okay, but overall, it truly is okay. Jesus is worth it! He tells us in His Word that those who take up their cross, who follow Him and worship Him in spirit and in truth, will have not just trials and tribulations - but suffering and rejection through those who claim to follow Him! When my walk truly began in Christ, I had several consistent dreams showing the people of our church, family, and strangers listening to me warning them to repent and then laughing, ignoring me, or walking away in anger. 

The Lord has been so good to me, even when I have allowed myself to become discouraged and deeply depressed. At the times where I have shared Scripture and when I have tried to speak in love and truth, only to be slammed, hated, mocked, and just outright slandered and falsely accused by Christians.....it has been Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit in me that has gotten me through it. And I praise the Lord for those few, very few true friends who are also carrying their cross. 

To those of you who have testimonies like my own, who are seeking the Lord in righteousness, whose hearts truly belong to Him....thank you. Thank you for encouraging me when I've felt so beat down. Thank you for speaking truth to me in love during those times the enemy has really come at me. Thank you for praying for me. Thank you for walking with me, even when you know your association with me may even cause you to lose friends or family. A cross is not easy to bear, but it is one that I am willing to bear in obedience to the LORD as long as it is His will for me.

Jesus is worth the unfriending, the slandering, the gossip, the false accusations, the rejection, the ridicule....He's worth it. He is worth the physical suffering I may go through. He is worth the financial poverty we may someday find ourselves in. He is worth prison and even death, because we refuse to bow the knee to anyone or anything other than Christ Jesus. He is worth the rejection and cold shoulders of those who are trapped by deceptions of false doctrines and those that think the traditions of men are necessary for salvation. He is worth it, Jesus is worth it!

So let me be of encouragement to you, O Weary Traveler, know that the Lord sees your broken heart. He sees your grief at the sin in the church. He sees your tears every time you see a fellow Christian post things on social media that are of the world, participate in things that are wicked in His eyes, and live their lives as if it is okay to play both sides of the fence. He knows of your intense desire to live righteously for Him and not just for yourself, to walk by faith and in the spirit. He draws near to you, because you take the time to seek Him in every part of your life.

He wants you to know, you who bear a cross, that His promise is true and that you will not have to suffer for Him forever. When He comes again, or when He calls you out of that failing body of flesh, it will be done, finished. You will finally get to see Jesus' beautiful and kind face with your own eyes. You will finally get to hear His powerful voice with your own ears. You will finally get to hold His gentle hand, fall at His feet in worship, and be filled with the joy and peace that only comes from being in His presence....forever. 

Jesus is coming soon, can you not feel it? Can you not see Scripture unfolding before your very eyes? Don't give up, don't give in, and don't despair when you must suffer because you insist on staying true to Him. Don't go with the flow because the churches in your city align themselves with the world or are increasingly teaching doctrines of demons. Don't be afraid when you are suddenly declared an enemy because you strive to live according to the Word of God. 

Many of us will go through situations that will shake our faith to its core. But, remember Jesus. Seek Him, and let your heart draw near to the Father that He may draw near to you. Do not get caught up in the world's rebellion (in any form!), do not put your trust in anything man has to offer above and over your trust in God. Get caught up instead in seeking righteousness, put your trust in the Lord God alone. 

Whether you have been on this walk long or short, no matter what "denomination" you loyally associate with, no matter what you personally think about me or my family, I challenge you today. I challenge you to spend the rest of this month in prayer and in studying the Word. Refrain from man's opinion and interpretation and instead, consult the Lord yourself. Seek the Lord while you still can and ask Him to reveal to you every idol, every sin, every error, every single thing that separates you from having a heart that is near to the Father. And be repentant! Repentance is a lifestyle, not a one time event. 

Seek the Lord in all things and truly make Him the Lord and God of your heart and your life - no matter the ridicule, no matter the rejection, no matter the cost. Don't be afraid to post on social media - Scripture or Biblically-based warnings that you know will offend people. Don't be afraid to post the truth of Jesus Christ and His Word. Don't be afraid to share articles, blogs, YouTube videos or anything that speaks the Lord's truth and leads people to Christ. If your church congregation, if your pastors, if your neighbors, co-workers, friends, and family are offended...remember this:  It is not you that offends them so, but Jesus Christ. He made Himself an enemy of the Pharisees - the most religious people of that time. So it will be for us with today's church.

Jesus is worth it. 

12 "And behold, I am coming quickly, and My reward is with Me, to give to everyone according to his work. 13 I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, the First and the Last." 14 Blessed are those who do His commandments, that they may have the right to the tree of life, and may enter through the gates into the city. 15 But outside are dogs and sorcerers and sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters, and whoever loves and practices a lie. 16 "I, Jesus, have sent My angel to testify to you these things in the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, the Bright and Morning Star." 17 And the Spirit and the bride say, "Come! And let him who hears say, "Come! And let him who thirsts come. Whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely."

- Revelations 22:12-17